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© 1990, The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska on behalf of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension. All rights reserved.


After a couple has been married for a number of years, there seems to be a lack of individual artistry and creativity in the relationship. Each person becomes involved in a routine of relating to the other in a certain way. Patterns develop because of living in the same house and responding to children's needs. Couples develop certain habitual work patterns, see the same people socially, etc. The same ways of relating and behaving may persist, unchallenged and unchanged, for years. The behavior will continue long after it has ceased to produce delight, zest or growth. Therefore, the most destructive of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" of marriage sets in--BOREDOM!

In principle, each couple has the possibility of recreating their marriage at every moment of their waking life. The couple is like a sculptor in the construction and shaping of their marriage. Given the limitations of one's imagination, courage and skills, the sculptor has many degrees of freedom to create the form of the marriage. The sculptor confronts a heap of clay, imagines a pleasing form, and sets about creating a structure. The sculptor may create several approximations before creating one that will "work."